Faye never knew what beauty she possessed.
Shining curls swept across the bodice
Of a dress that seemed to be illuminated as she moved.
She was a forgotten painting of Athena coming to life for the first time.
Walking to the mirror, she saw the perfect complexion,
Enhancements of an artist craven to bring her soul to skin.
Marc was stunned, stammering at the elegance before him.
Faye remembered the last time she saw this face in the mirror.
Limp locks hung at the shoulders
Of a threadbare tunic stained with crimson.
She was the forgotten in the attic by night,
And the abused beast by the end of a day's sun,
Wanting only to be hid from the staring eyes and eminent pain.
Marc would not let go of the soul that captured his entire being.
They learned to love further than eyes could see,
Deeper than any hand could touch,
And sweeter than the first kiss could ever taste.
Faye, leaving the mirror, joined with her beloved to show all the world
That they had found love that no other could comprehend.
The room was filled with jovial music, lights, and laughter.
She danced, hair flying and dress swirling,
As their hands were clasped all the night long.
Eyes met and shone with a light all their own.
Marc only wished this was how the night could have been.
Faye, casting this fleeting image, refused to leave without her beloved,
Although knowing there was no other choice,
But to show she had love even without her love.
She sat alone there all the while, music in a lull,
Dancing in her mind to the melody of love she knew.
Closed eyes met in these faraway daydreams.
Marc wanted her to live and have some joy without him.
They had learned to love further than their eyes could see,
Deeper than any hand could touch,
Sweeter than the first kiss could ever taste,
And more harmonious than a symphony's finest crescendo could ever sound.
Marc somehow knew that her eyes would never meet his again.
That morning he came to hear of his beloved's night,
But to his horror found only the beaten and torn body
Of his beautiful love, his perfect love, his only love.
He clasped the death-chilled hand and gathered the lifeless corpse in his arms.
The shrill screams of a man whose soul was severed was heard throughout the town.
Fresh tears glistened upon the pale face as he opened the eyes
To gaze into them one last time, but still they burned bright with unconquerable love.
Faye wanted him to live and have some joy without her.
Marc walked heavily into his old age, never forgetting his love.
Incomplete and alone, friends and ale soon lost their savour.
And much of his laughter and tears came from the fading memories he clung to with all hope.
He spoke of the weather and current mischief of their friends
To the only one who could never return those words--
Oh, the tinkling bells of the voice he desired to hear one last time!
Faye was the pain he tried to flee and the love he could not live without.
They loved further than eyes could see,
Deeper than any hand could touch,
Sweeter than the first kiss could ever taste,
More harmonious than a symphony's finest crescendo could ever sound.
And could overcome even the stench of death.
This death could never dissever the souls bound by such a love beyond this side of heaven.













Comments
Mm, I really liked your original format in this. And a story told in poetic form, to me, it so perfect. And it really inspired me to give it a try. I've been trying to write a story forever... but I've lost my ability to write prose it seems... your vocabulary usage in this is also, very well used. I liked the repetitions, and the additions and slight changes to them throughout. It let the poem have some flow, and a little less rigidness.
However, something was wrong. And I couldn't put my finger on it. Then the age old creative writing class advice came to mind, "show the reader, don't tell them." And I think that's what you did in this piece. You told the whole story, instead of showing it. That can be the problem when trying to put a story in a poem, but even stories are better shown. Like you can say "He picked up the pencil quickly and began writing" or you can say "the pencil was in his hand and writing." Not sure that that's the best example, but it's all that came to mind.
All in all, it was very good. ^-^ Write more!
--
When every word you ever said came true
All I missed in all of this was you
~Project 86
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